I’ve seen so many fics where, after Arthur wakes up/comes out of the lake, Merlin spends his time teaching Arthur about modern life, and just catching up on all he’s missed.
And while that’s very nice and good, I don’t think enough fic writers are taking advantage of the angst that can come about from Arthur reemerging.
Obviously Merlin’s first reaction would be joy to have Arthur back, but if I were him my second reaction would be pure terror. Imagine everything Merlin’s seen the world go through since Arthur left. Picture all the plagues, all the wars, all the moments of human history where humanity was on the brink of ending itself. None of those moments were big enough to bring Arthur back.
Now, all of a sudden, there is something big enough. No world war has ever called Arthur back, but now something is. So anyway I think we need a tad more of Merlin freaking out because he planned for Arthur’s return, but he hadn’t thought about the next step.
“There are many days when all the awful things that happen make you sick at heart, when the path before you is so steep you can’t bear to look. Not even love can rescue a person from that.”
This is a comment someone appended to a photo of two men apparently having sex in a very fancy room, but it’s also kind of an amazing two-line poem? “His Wife has filled his house with chintz” is a really elegant and beautiful counterbalancing of h, f, and s sounds, and “chintz” is a perfect word choice here—sonically pleasing and good at evoking nouveau riche tackiness. And then “to keep it real I fuck him on the floor” collapses that whole mood with short percussive sounds—but it’s still a perfect iambic pentameter line, robust and a lovely obscene contrast with the chintz in the first line. Well done, tumblr user jjbang8
I hate that my aesthetic sense agrees with this but everything you just said was correct
I went back to dig up this post because I was thinking about poetry.
This is one of those non-poem things that are among my favorite poems.
As the OP stated, the use of alliterative consonants is aesthetically just great, especially the placement of the strongest use at the end: “fuck him on the floor.” The use of “chintz” is indeed great word choice.
Because I’m insane, decided to scan the poem:
Not only is the second sentence, indeed, perfect iambic pentameter, the entire poem is perfectly metered, though the first sentence has four iambs rather than five.
There are further things I love about this poem, though: I like the casual connotations of “keep it real” juxtaposed with “chintz.” It causes me to interpret the “chintz” more strongly as meaning something fake, a facade. There is also of course the coarseness of “fuck,” which is a contrast with “chintz” but a different kind of contrast, gutsy and carnal where “chintz” is flimsy and inanimate.
And then there is the storytelling: there is SO MUCH storytelling in just these two lines. To break it down: The speaker is having sex with a married man, in the house he shares with his wife, which is “filled with chintz”—something that here connotes fakeness, in contrast with “keep it real.”
The illicit encounter in the poem takes place within a house filled with facade, the flimsy construction of the wife’s marriage and domestic sphere, but the encounter itself is a taste of something “real.” That’s a story, and it’s just two lines.
This is EIGHTEEN SYLLABLES, y’all. The amount of meaning condensed into these eighteen syllables is stunning, and it is so elegantly done.
From a technical standpoint (and ive taken 300- and 400-level poetry classes so I can say this) this is damn near flawless as a poem.
Kept thinking about this ever since I saw it and had to do something
there’s art now
Ah dang to go further; the floor is framed as a refuge. As if there is literally no other space in this house that hasn’t been populated by his wife with flimsy inanimate fakery. There is no space for this man in this house save for the floor. There is no space for him on the sofa, oon the counter tops, and most notably, no space for him in the marital bed.
I’d also like to point out the use of the word “has.” The wife has filled the house with chintz. She isn’t filling the house with chintz. She doesn’t fill the house with chintz. She has filled the house with chintz. Use of the past-tense makes the wife a subtly removed element in the story, someone whose presence we see in the environment, but who is blissfully distant during the actors throes of passion. There is an element of physical as well as emotional separation from the wife that is catalyzed by being fucked on the floor. Use of the past tense is an end to the wife presence in the actors life, a carnal catharsis amid cold fragility and emotional distance.
This is my new favourite post in the world
everyone cheer for the one (1) time tumblr had reading comprehension
This is why I dislike looking back on the past as if everything has been constantly improving to get us to where we are now
Our cement isn’t as strong as the Romans, our steel isn’t as strong as Damascus steel, we cannot replicate the beauty of a Stradivari violin, we’ve already lost some of the technology that flew Apollo and Gemini to space
And when I live out a suitcase I have to sift through a pile of stuff like a neanderthal
I know it’s 2020 but Merlin AU where Uther notices a bunch of problems that could only be solved by magic ~spontaneously~ getting solved around Arthur, and concludes that this must be a side effect of Arthur only existing due to magical intervention. An intense bigotry-versus-parental-love internal conflict commences, followed by some that’s-pretty-hypocritcal-of-you-isn’t-it-dad screaming external conflict, generally upending everything. Merlin is standing in the corner the entire time holding a serving jug of mead and sweating.
Morgana, dramatically slamming open the throne room doors with both arms: I’M ALSO UNWILLINGLY MAGIC. Arthur: What???? Morgana, raising one fist at him: Solidarity, motherFUCKER! Arthur:What????????
What’s Uther gonna do? What’s he gonna fucking do???? Execute his secret Scottish child, but not his nonsecret blond heir child??? They’re ganging up on him now. He’s fucking cornered.
This is about the part where Merlin escalates to chugging the royal mead.
At some point someone mentions that an eyewitness would be great. And they all realize that Merlin is persent for all these things and start asking Merlin what it looks like when Arthur performs these magical feats. And he’s half way through the royal mead so fuck it. And he starts talking about how Arthur glows and shit. And usually Merlin has to knock him on the head to get him to stop glowing and whooshing and what not and the idea that Merlin could be saving the prince from his own magical distraction is so absurd they decide it’s just a drunk idiot telling tales.
Knfsdfs “Are you telling me that every time I blacked out you knocked me out!?” “…You know what? That’s actually accurate.”
i would die for this.
somebody please.
Merlin, really getting into this: It was to save you from your own magic, sire. I had no other choice. That’s… That’s what you do, you see a born sorcerer and you just wham, knock them out for their own good.
Morgana, thinking about her sleeping draughts: It’s true Arthur that’s what they do.
Arthur: I’m.
Morgana: But it’s fine look we just have to win Merlin over to the side of magic.
Merlin: …
Merlin: I don’t know guys, that’s going to be a tough sell.
Merlin: I just. I just don’t know if I could be persuaded.
Arthur: Merlin, you aren’t even from Camelot. Why would you have anti-magic biases.
Merlin: But you’re always so insistent magic is eeeevil.
Merlin: Maybe you should persuade me. Tell me what’s so great about sorcerers.
Morgana: Well–
Merlin: No, I want to hear him say it.
Merlin blatantly and magically refills the jug with more mead: What? Why’d you stop? Keep talking about how great sorcerers are Arthur. Come on now, you were just getting to the good parts.
